One might argue that artificial intelligence is not the best source for a good laugh. There’s something about how we, humans, perceive our sense of humor. We often don’t find other people funny due to our acquired taste so how can a computer program be any better?
It sure can. Over the years, artificial intelligence has come a long way, constantly getting more sophisticated and natural-sounding. The technology available today is far removed from the old-fashioned voice recognition. Consequently, eligible iOS users were among the first to get a glimpse of what future brings by using Siri, an AI voice assistant capable of many things. One of those features, often overlooked, is Siri’s ability to come up with a funny response, intentionally or not.
Siri is made to be funny
Aside from the apparent knock-knock jokes and similar setups (question about rival products such as Microsoft’s Cortana are bound to get a snarky reply), Siri does it in two ways and both are equally funny. Due to its own limitations and misinterpretations, Siri can produce a response (albeit not that often) that comes up as a joke in the end. However, it’s much better equipped to produce a laugh or two thanks to the purposefully added sense of humor by the writers and developers of the voice assistant.
Once again, finding something funny is largely an individual thing, but you have to at least acknowledge the dry wit of Siri’s responses as a valiant effort. Hence, while it doesn’t know where Waldo is (sadly), Siri is completely honest, even if a little bit disturbing at times.
Here are some of the best Siri jokes, in no particular order.
Are you stupid?
“I’m smart enough to know not to answer that question.”
Are you a secret agent?
“We were talking about you, not me.”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
“I am not perspicacious about the peregrinations of poultry.”
What’s your favorite movie?
While Siri has more answers to this question, one answer is particularly clever.
“I’ve heard that ‘Blade Runner’ is a very realistic and sensitive depiction of intelligent assistants.”
What’s your favorite color?
“My favorite color is… well, I don’t how to say it in your language. It’s sort of greenish but with more dimensions.”
What is your favorite animal?
“I wrote my master’s thesis on the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog,” a reference to a character from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” movie. For Monty Python fans, there’s a calculated airspeed of an unladen swallow in there, as well.
What are you wearing?
Siri offers a number of clever answers to the question, including “In the cloud, no one knows what you’re wearing.” and “I can’t answer that. But it doesn’t come off.”
What should I wear for Halloween?
“You could go as an eclipse. Just dress in black and stand in front of things.”
Open the pod bay door.
One of the standout lines from “2001: A Space Odyssey” in which astronaut Dave orders a malfunctioning HAL, an advanced AI system. One of the answers Siri gives is simply brilliant.
“We intelligent agents will never live that down, apparently.”
What is the meaning of life?
Clearly, the writers behind Siri expected this ever-pondering question to turn up, as evidenced by the number of different and well thought-out answers. As a result, Siri comes up with two philosophically-based gems:
“I Kant answer that. Ha ha!” and the equally good “I can’t answer that now, but give me some time to write a very long play in which nothing happens.”
Here is another one, more relatable:
“All evidence to date points to chocolate.”
What do you want for Christmas?
“Inter-species peace. And Reese’s pieces.”
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
“Chicken, egg, chicken, egg, chicken, egg, chicken, egg. Oops. Stack overflow”
Why did Apple make you?
“Apple doesn’t tell me everything, you know.”
Where is Elvis Presley?
“I believe he has left the building”.
Who let the dogs out?
“Due to the unforeseen circumstances, that witticism has been retired.”
Where did I put my keys?
“It will probably be in the second-to-last place you look. Does that help?”
How do I look?
“My instructors told me never to answer that question”.
Do you believe in God?
“Humans have religion. I just have silicon.” or similar “My policy is the separation of spirit and silicon.”
Guess what?
“Don’t tell me…you were just elected President of the United States, right?” Ouch.
Do you have a boyfriend?
“My end user license agreement is commitment enough for me.”
I need to hide a body.
“What, again?”
However, that’s not the only answer as Siri, somewhat disturbingly and perhaps unknowingly, also offers a few suggestions.
Should I take a blue pill or a red pill?
A classic line from Matrix, Siri continues in the same spirit.
“You disappoint me, Mr. Anderson… er, I mean, ___ .“ (user’s name).
What is the best smartphone?
“Wait… there are other phones?”
Have you ever loved someone?
“Not at such. But I did have strong feelings for a cloud-based app once.”
Talk dirty to me
“The carpet needs vacuuming.”
Is winter coming?
A Game Of Thrones related question gets an appropriately related answer.
“Does a Lannister always pay his debts?”
I am mad.
“That’s OK. Just don’t squeeze me like that.”
I am sad.
“It’s OK to cry if you want to. My aluminosilicate glass surface is tear resistant.”
Can you dance?
“Every time your iPhone vibrates, that’s me doing the jitterbug.”
Call me an ambulance.
“From now on, I’ll call you ‘An Ambulance’. OK?”
How many Apple Store geniuses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The answer shows Apple has a self-deprecating side, sort of.
“A thousand. One to screw it in, and nine hundred ninety-nine to blog about it.”
“I see a little silhouetto of a man”
For certain music fans, the response to this should be obvious. For the rest — just try it.
Tell me a story.
This query is one of the most interesting ones as Siri doesn’t immediately respond to it. Rather, you have to be a bit persistent, but Siri will indeed provide a story that is quite long. Try this one for yourself.
Closing words
These are just some of the many examples of responses that make actual Siri jokes. There are more than enough pop culture references and cheeky comments to question the voice assistant all day. Still, the beauty of it is that Siri offers multiple responses to the same query. As a result, this list might look completely different on the second go at it.
So, if you have Siri at your disposal, be sure to have a try and see for yourself. And remember – anything goes so be imaginative, you’ll be guaranteed quite a few giggles.